The Tugboat Trap: Why Helping Everyone Else Leaves You Running on Empty

Have you ever felt like you’re constantly pulling everyone else forward—your team, your family, your friends—while secretly running on fumes yourself?

That’s what I call the Tugboat Trap.

Like a tugboat pulling ships across the harbor, you’re doing all the work to get others where they need to go. And while it might feel noble, over time it leaves you tired, resentful, and disconnected from yourself.

The Tugboat vs. The Lighthouse

Here’s the difference:

🚤 The Tugboat

• Strains to pull everyone forward
  
• Overextends, often ignoring its own limits
  
• Mistakes constant effort for love or value
  

🌊 The Lighthouse

• Stands strong, grounded, and steady
  
• Shines light without moving
  
• Guides others safely, without losing itself
  

The truth is, being a Lighthouse doesn’t mean you stop caring. It means you learn to shine from a grounded place instead of pulling at the cost of your health and nervous system.

Why Tugboating Drains You

From a nervous system perspective, tugboating often keeps you in chronic “fight or flight.” You’re over-giving, over-functioning, and your body is signaling: keep going or everything will fall apart.

But here’s what really happens:

• Your capacity shrinks → burnout
  
• You lose clarity → reactive decisions
  
• You forget your own needs → disconnection
  

And yet, when you pause and re-anchor like a Lighthouse, your system shifts. Regulation returns. Energy flows back. You can show up for others without losing yourself.

A Micro-Moment to Try

The next time you feel yourself tugboating, try this:

✨ The Lighthouse Pause

1. Sit or stand tall, feet on the ground.
   
2. Imagine a light at the center of your chest.
   
3. Inhale and feel it expand gently.
   
4. Exhale and imagine it shining outward—without force, without pulling.
   

Notice how it feels to shine without straining.

Flow Forward

Being a Lighthouse takes practice, but it changes everything. Instead of burning out as the Tugboat, you begin to:

✨ Hold emotional footing when others are dysregulated

✨ Shine with calm authority that guides without force

✨ Lead, love, and live from a steady, grounded place

If you’re ready to step out of the Tugboat Trap and become the Lighthouse your life is calling for, let’s talk.

👉 Book a call with me here. Together, we’ll build the nervous system capacity and practices you need to shine steadily—without running on empty.